Poetry Poem - Dad's Dementia
75This poem was written about my father-in-law who has become afflicted with the aging curse 'dementia'. Dad is now in what is more commonly known as his 'second childhood'. Each day he wakes and everything is new again, each day we awake to find a little bit more of him has ebbed a way. Dad has to be watched now, everything he does, everywhere he goes and it is really taking it's toll on Mum. Although Mum is older she still has her wits about her but she can't sleep for fear of what Dad might do if he wakes up in the night
This is the first time I've entered a hubpages contest. This is also the first time I have written something so current and so personal.
Dementia is a terrible curse, it makes us laugh when we should be crying and cry when we realise just how fragile the mind is.
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Dad's Dementia
Dad will be ninety
Very soon
He’s had a lifetime of changes
Happiness and gloom
He recalls his childhood
And the war that he fought
His recent memories
Are all but nought
In his mind he is
Way back in his youth
His memories converge
To reveal his truth
He wonders when
He is going home
And why he moved here
To be all alone
Dad’s mind is going
Much more each day
As his dementia gets worse
Blowing his memories away
The forlorn wife and
Forgotten son they bore
And sixty years of marriage
Are all no more
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Mum celebrated her ninetieth
Earlier this year
Sharp as a knife
No memory loss here
Bright as button
Though tired and sad
As she tries very hard
To take care of dad
Knowing she is forgotten
In his memories
He thinks she’s the char
Who makes his tea
Sadly, she watches
As he fades each day
The love of her life
Slowly ebbing away
All their years together
Their trials and strife
Since the day they agreed
To become man and wife
All their lives gone forever
From his shrinking mind
Why does life’s aging
Need to be so unkind!
copyright © leni sands 2011
Well I didn't win the contest but the comments and emails of support have been great. Thank you all!
- http://lenisands.hubpages.com/hub/The-Apology-monologue
Forgetful, dementia, alzheimer's - dreadful for the sufferer and the family. The only blessing is that usually the sufferer is totally unaware that they have it.
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Dementia - The Facts
Dementia is a disease of the brain that begins with forgetfulness
Dementia makes it hard for the person to cope with normal day-to-day tasks
Dementia causes mood swings and changes of personality
Dementia affects the persons judgement and causes confusion
Dementia makes the person more reliant on others
Dementia is a sign that the brain is dying…
Vascular dementia happens when the arteries to the brain become blocked, the brain is starved of oxygen and begins to die.
Lewy body dementia, overlaps with Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease. Varying levels of confusion and visual hallucinations of people or animals are more common. Sufferers often have a tremor, muscle stiffness, falls, or difficulty with walking.
Fronto-temporal dementia affects the front of the brain more than other areas causing personality changes and memory loss.
Alzheimer’s is a slow developing disease that affects the chemicals in the brain that carry messages from one place to another causing the brain cells around them to die. This disease causes memory loss, affects thinking, and makes learning new information harder. Recent memories of people and places are forgotten. Familiar objects and people become harder to name causing frustration and depression. The sufferer may accuse others of taking things that they cannot find.
The thing about dementia is that the sufferer does not know that they have a problem. When you try to help them, they become angry or irritated. It is the husband or wife and the rest of the family that actually suffer.
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- Enjoying yourself with your Dementia loved one
Yes even with dementia it can be a lot of fun... And one should try to do all the fun things you can. Each person may enjoy different things, but each thing you do with them is enjoyed. They may only... - What is dementia?
An overview of what dementia is and what science understands about this disorder. Contains an excerpt from my book on the subject. - Symptoms of Dementia
When we start getting older, we will notice that out brain isn’t working as fast as in the time we were 18. We start forgetting small things like were you put your wallet or the name of someone you just met.... - Tips for Coping with your Parent's Dementia
Practical tips for coping with some of the aspects of a parent's dementia from wandering to aggressive behavior... - Signs of dementia symptoms and when not to worry
Dementia is a growing problem and in its early stages, it causes distress to sufferers as well as their loved ones. Here we look at the early signs if dementia symptoms and how to recognise those from normal memory lapses. - difference between dementia and alzheimers
A question that is frequently asked to me is 'What is the difference between dementia and alzheimers? Although the meaning of the words are much alike, it is not exactly the same. Dementia is a syndrome, a collection of possible symptoms a person...
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Nice work. My father has Alzheimer's... he is still living at home and his long-term memory is intact. The main thing was getting him over the hurdle of acceptance and to trust what we were telling him. So far so good but I know the end-game will be gut-wrenching... I've written a couple of pieces for him... Thanks for posting this....
Oh God! Leni!
My prayers for your parents. May God give them the strenght to carry on..is diheartening to say the less. I can imagine your own pain... being your own blood. Thanks for sharing this perosnal story. Actually I wrote a poem yesterday related to the issues, you'll find it!
LORD
Hello leni, thank you for sharing something so personal, it takes a lot of courage.
Dementia is so sad and cruel, my father has bouts of it now after his many strokes, my heart goes out to you and your mother in law.
The photos are beautiful as is your poem.
My very best wishes to you and good luck in the contest.
It takes a strong person to write from their pain and loss and then willingly share it with others. I appreciate your courage, the beautiful poem about your mother and father-in-law, and the important information you provided about dementia and Alzheimers. Thank you.
Thanks everyone for your comments. Every day we see him there is marked change in his behaviour - he is at times like a child. Its very sad.
Your poem is beautiful and sad. Dementia is heartbreaking for a family..Blessings..
You've done an excellent job of conveying the daily loss that your father-in-law's loved ones experience. I see such lovely souls in each of them and know without a doubt that this journey they are on is but another one of many they have taken. While she feels alone, she remembers him as her soul mate and no other could care for him quite the way she does. Support her, urge her to take breaks, give her time to nap. Guide her in ways to rest for she is focused on his needs and may have forgotten even how to care for her own.
Diseases that rob us of all of the moments of our lives are most cruel ... for it it the moments that keep us alive.
Sadly beautiful.
Thanks everyone. Writing about it has been very therapeutic. Learning about dementia and alzheimer’s has been an education and has enabled me to focus on what is important.
We see his Mum and Dad every day and try to help out where we can. We take his Dad out on Sunday mornings for a couple of hours to give his Mum a little respite but she won't let us take him out for the day or overnight so she can sleep and she won't let us help too much. She says all she needs is some sensible adult conversation occasionally now her husband has become another child to take care of. So we oblige as best we can.
It's hard watching people you care about suffer like this. His mother says she's ready for her box, his Dad says he wants some fish and chips in newspaper. Oh well, we all do our best.
Sometimes its dreadful to watch; other times its so funny you could cry. The hallucinations, the voices coming out of the pipes, the accusations of someone stealing his stuff...life goes on (and she says - it goes on and on and on) the sad blessing is that his Dad has no idea about anything anymore.
Thanks for your encouragement everyone. Please read my blog on blogger 'Dad's Dementia and follow our progress.
Beautiful! My vote goes to you. :)
This put a HUGE lump in my throat as I know exactly how this is. My Grampy went through the same thing which was awful. But luckily he went before my nan as it would have been so cruel the other way around. You have my vote for sure, and this is the first one I have read.
Thank you Pacific Transfer and richardmacarthy. Your comments are appreciated.
Leni - my dad went that way and mother was still sharp. But even harder was to be the wife of my precious George as his dementia progressed. It was set off when he had a heart attack and actually died briefly, long enough to damage his short-term memory. For the following 7 years it progressed. He wasn't as bad-off as many I've heard about, but it took a huge toll and, of course, changed my role in our lives.
By the way, I wanted to mention that after I answered it, I'd realized that you wrote that question you posted way back and figured you no longer needed an answer. But since it had come up to the forefront to attract my attention, I did answer it and then figured if newer folks were also directed to notice the question, my information mightn't be wasted. I think the button on capsules had been there when I began but it took me awhile to notice it and put it to use! hehe.
Hugs.
Nellieanna - I look at my father-in-law and my mother-in-law and I marvel at her strength of being. I look at my partner and wonder if either of us would be as strong should one of us became the victim of this dreadful brain disease or if either of us would actually reach the grand old age of 90.
So sorry to hear about your father and your husband, Dad's was also set off by a heart condition and 7 years is a long time to cope. My hat goes off to you Nellieanna I know from reading your hubs that you have an inner strength and beauty that will out live us all.
As far as the spellchecker thing - it was nice to see your response and reminded me of how many friends I actually have on hubpages. I guess the button has always been there, like you it took me a while to find it and of course, every bit helps the newbies to find their way around.
Just going to hop over to your hubs and see what's new from you. God Bless you Nellieanna.
I understand that, Leni. My parents were such amazing people all their lives. I've never thought I could begin to do all they did with the courage and strength they had.
But in reality - every person and every life situation presents its own unique challenges. It's how we meet the real ones we have which counts. For various reasons, I probably have no potential caregiver if I should become dependent (other than an insurance policy for long-term care in some 'home' or, alternatively, to have someone come care for me here), so I MUST stay 'with it'. I honestly wouldn't prefer that any of my family have to do it anyway, and the idea of being cared for by strangers galls me. I must stay with it!! it's a constructive challenge, actually. :-)
By the way, George's deteriorization was slow and comparitively easy, when I hear of others'.
wow. Good work, Leni. I'm sure this is heart wrenching to see and I hope this poem helped you to cope. My grandfather is in the very early stages of Alzheimer's and, I tend to think, it's much easier for the victim to deal with then for the family. The idea of being forgotten by someone who loved you is heart wrenching. Great work!
I agree with you there PDXKaraokeGuy the victim of this dreadful disorder is actually unaware that they have a problem, the family cope or deal with each issue as it arises. We are currently experiencing the 'missing objects' that someone must have stolen. If it was so sad it would be hilarious. Thanks, Helena
Wow! I love it ;D voted up
Thank you V Qisya.
best wishes and prayers for strength and patience to you, Leni
Thanks PDXKaraokeGuy, I needed that so much!
you are quite welcome
....wow wow and more wow - the pictures are fabulous here - your new profile photo rocks big time and yes the pictures in your hub and poetic tribute are truly some of the most beautiful I have ever seen - and will be posted to my Facebook page with a direct link back here - and this is one of my favorite pieces of writing in quite some time because it's delivered with so much love and of course your fine writing sensibilities ..... please accept my holiday greetings and a most happy new year with continued health and happiness ... lake erie time ontario canada 7:49am watching the daybreak over the lake after coming home from work
Thanks Epi, I am pleased you like the photo's...are we linked on facebook? Leni Sands Author ! Have a great holiday - Staffordshire Moorlands Time UK is 13.31...
..my name is Colin Stewart on FB with the same profile photo - and yes I am still up after night shift work - amazing but true and I have watched the sun come up over the lake ....and now it's 8:45am and time for bed
Leni, my heart goes out to you. It's such a heartache, isn't it? I wrote about my dad, as well, who suffered with Alzheimer's. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem.
Thanks ExoticHippieQueen it's nice to meet you. I am glad you liked my poem. I also enjoyed reading about your parents and your experiences. I hope we will keep in touch.
This is a difficult subject to write about especially in poetry, but I think this poem is wonderful in the way it captures not just the experience of the person but of those who care for them (in all senses of the word) too.
A wonderful poem Leni, and a thoughtful hub. My own father suffered from dementia for a long time and I found comfort and joy in a poem by Brendan Kennelly called "I see you dancing, father":
http://www.poetryarchive.org/childrensarchive/sing
I hope it gives you as much solace as it did me xx
2uesday - thank you for your kind and thoughtful words.
ainehannah - thank you for the link, much appreciated.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think the part that was most heartbreaking for me is how it affects your mother in law. She must be an amazingly strong woman. Thinking good thoughts for you and your family.
Thank you for your comment Anaya M. Baker for your thoughts. Hilda is an amazingly strong woman for all of her 90 years. She will be 91 on Febuary 14th. The whole thing is beginning to tell on her though because she isn't getting enough sleep - Dad sleeps at funny times and every time he wakes up he thinks its a new day - even if it is 11pm, 2am, 4am....
I voted this up and beautiful. While it is sad, talking about someone's life is also beautiful. Dimentia is devastating. Both of my grandmothers suffered from dimentia. One for 15 years the other for a little less than 5 before passing. The description of your inlaw's lives together and how it is partially slipping away is touching, painful, and at the same time beautiful. I hate dimentia but experiencing it as I have with my grandmothers, it is also a time to appreciate their lives and the impact they had on yours and others. It is not always so easy to do when you are stressed with the cares of life. They are wonderful people though and its nice to know you can appreciate them no matter what.
Hi Brandon, Sorry to hear that both your grandmothers suffered from this terrible brain disease. Thank you for your kind words.
Dad is so much worse these days, his hallucinations are as detailed as a child's wildest imaginings, his confusion of his surroundings and interpretation of life are sad but at the same time fascinatedly, interesting and usually make us laugh but as sad before if we didn't life...well... As parts of Dad's brain shut down to loose yet another episode in his life 'like his marriage' and 'the birth of his son', it is so desperately sad, almost unbearable, watching his son and his wife coping. As an 'outsider' looking in I cannot begin to imagine, if I had been anywhere near that close to my own father, how I would have coped but cope they do with every new day dawning and the realization that this is actually the beginning of the end for this once steadfast husband and father.
Thanks for voting up.
Very touching indeed. Thanks for the information.
Thank you donnaisabella
Thank you for sharing your powerful story about your father-in-law. My mother has dementia. She is 83. It is hard to watch the decline. I am blessed to have a mother like mine. It does make you wonder what is actually going on in their mind when they are surrounded by people they have no clue who they are, but when they are their very family. And as another had made the comment, it may be a blessing in disguise that they have no clue they have this terrible disease. I pray that they are not afraid and that God gives them His peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding. In His Love.
Thank you Faith Reaper your thoughts and prayers are well received.
SpiderBytes 6 months ago
Wonderful poem. Dementia is a terrible disease. A friend's father suffered from it before his passing. He was one of the greatest men I ever knew and it was tragic watching him slip away. It was almost like he refused to let go of life both physically and mentally and it had to be wrenched away from him a little at a time.